Being a widow and overcoming so much since the death of my second husband this book has been a real blessing to me this week.
Coming to terms with being Single and achieving a sense of peace about who I am and what I am and not having to worry about what others think of me has really helped me.
Knowing who I am as a new creature in the Messiah, understanding that it is not something to be ashamed of but rather celebrated. Whether you are married, single, divorced or separated, man or woman, this book is a real blessing.
I was 37 when I first got married – I really was not ready for it, nor was I really good at it. I and my first husband knew deep down we were not meant to marry yet we went ahead anyway to please others in a lot of ways. We both agreed afterwards that it had been a big mistake – we were like light and dark – his views and mine never did match, we had different ideas about life and how to live. We had been better off as just friends and eventually we would have drifted apart anyway. We were only married a few short weeks and his own lifestyle caused a rift between us, he started staying out all night and not bothering to contact me. showing up weeks later dirty smelly and horrible. Yet he had expected me to just take him back and continue on as if nothing was amiss. Then he would disappear again for days on end – not bothering to get himself sorted – yet all the time I was paying all the bills and maintaining the home we shared – he took no responsibilities for our relationship – which did not exist at all after the first few weeks, yet because we had got married in church and I was bound to keep my vows I tried my best not to give up on him. In the end I had to really accept the fact the he had voted with his feet that his lifestyle was the one he wanted and although he liked the idea of being married and having someone to care for him, he was indifferent to me and what was best for us. He did not want a divorce but I said that he had already walked out on the marriage by going off and living with friends and his own lifestyle away from me. So facing the reality of not even having him around I had to make a new life for myself.
I have always been able to live on my own and develop friendships with people and work so I just got up and started again.
Reading this book gave me a lot to think about and a lot of memories resurfaced and dealing with the feelings of the past was a really blessing. Forgiving him for his ways, and also forgiving myself for not being able to be the “wife” he wanted – his true wife was and still. is the needle. I hope and pray that one day he will find the way out of the lifestyle which keeps him bound in a place of servitude to heroin, methadone, speed and whatever drugs he may still be taking. We watched a friend die when he was only 50 – my first husband is that age now. I feel sad to think that I was unable to help him. Even though I did not want to leave him I just had to for my own sake as well as his, there was no future in it when you are two different ways of life. Always clashing and never feeling that you are really together. I hope one day he will find the way out..